Stress relief

It's funny how small our worlds can be sometimes.

I saw a link on my local newspaper's Web site today and clicked on it only to find out it was written by a lady for the Fort Worth Star Telegram, the paper my family received and still receives daily in good old Azle, Texas.

Anyway, the article was an cute little column how we can still remain happy in times of stress. And feeling a little stressed as of late, I had to click in.

The following is the column...

By CATHERINE MALLETTE, FORT WORTH STAR-TELEGRAM,

© May 8, 2007

We were in the car. My daughter and I are in the car together a lot. In a way, this is a wonderful thing, because in the car, away from the umbilical electrical cords of TVs and computers, kids often do their best communicating, opening up their true feelings.

It turns out the car is also where I open up.

"Mom," said Hadley, interrupting my soliloquy about five minutes into our ride, "so I guess it's time for your regular rant about things that are driving you crazy?"

I don't want my kids to see me as a complainer, but both Hadley and my son, Jack, had pointed out in recent weeks that I seemed to be talking a lot about how stressed-out I am.

"Welcome to my world," said Hadley. "School stresses me out every day."

Hadley is in the seventh grade, and what she said made me recall those years in my own life.

"Mom, people order us around all day. We have no freedom. We just go from class to class, and then we go home and have tons of homework, and sometimes it's something we haven't even been taught, but we have to do it anyway."

I began to remember why I was grateful to be a grown-up, but I couldn't help wondering: If Hadley's life was so constricted, why the heck was she so gosh-darn happy all the time? My daughter is the Empress of Upbeat. I mean, that same night she walked into the kitchen and announced, "I'm so perky, I can do a herky!" and executed the famous cheerleading jump, laughing.

I decided it was time I learned some lessons from Perky Hadley. That weekend I watched her behavior, mentally taking notes like a sociologist. What could I learn from her?

Here are the top five things I learned from Sunny Sensei Hadley. These, my friends, are the secrets of happiness.

1. Mini golf = therapy.
Saturday morning was cool, breezy and sunny. "Let's go mini golfing!" suggested Hadley. Because I have an older teen, I know that when any teenager says she wants to spend time with you, you should drop everything and just do it. So we did.

Almost nobody else was there. We both played our best games ever - ever! - and every stressful thought that had taken hold of my brain that week was completely forgotten.

2. Don't dwell on something that's beyond your control.

At some point that Saturday, I asked Hadley how things were going with her school newspaper, of which she is the editor. "Mom," she said, "let's not talk about it!"

As editor, Hadley is also in charge of all the production details. There was apparently some sort of problem this month -- the teacher she sent the laid-out paper to couldn't open the computer program. Everything was held up in a technological glitch. I wanted to fret about this and call her teacher and press the issue, but Sensei Hadley forbade the topic in our discussion. Her teacher would just have to figure it out, she said.

And of course, he did. No worries.

3. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

For example, speak up when you feel someone is wasting your time at an alarming rate. Hadley reluctantly agreed to accompany me to a Volvo dealership having a "no haggle" day. I told her there was just one car I wanted to look at. An hour later, we were heading to a Volkswagen dealership to compare their prices. "You owe me, Mom," Hadley sighed, and she was right. I was glad she spoke up and didn't just become resentful and fume (a coping strategy at which I excel). I devoted the rest of the afternoon to what she wanted to do, which was watch downloaded episodes of "Ugly Betty" on her laptop.

4. Embrace technology.
After we watched "Ugly Betty," Hadley saw me MapQuesting an address. What I was doing, of course, was cyber-spying on my son, seeing where his prom date lives so I'll know where he's driving to pick her up. (Yes, yes, it would be nice if I could actually just ask my son these things, but he is very guarded about sharing details of this sort of personal nature with anyone called Mom.)

"Mom," said my terribly modern daughter, "download Google Earth. It's so much more fun. You can see her house!" So we did, and then we visited Tokyo, my sister's house in Nantucket, the house where I grew up in Hadley, Mass., and a host of other places. What could be more fun?

5. Have your meltdown, and then move on.
On a recent Sunday a math homework sheet had Hadley in a tizzy. There were no examples of how to solve the problems, and her teacher hadn't provided any guidelines. The problems were like this: In how many ways can we arrange a group of four students chosen from a group of 10 students? In how many ways can we arrange eight books on a shelf?

Four scratch papers later we were no closer to any answers, and then suddenly Hadley was gone - in the bathtub, in the dark, crying.

I took a deep breath and decided to follow my frustrated sensei's Secret No. 4: Embrace technology.

I typed the entire problem into a Google search field and eventually happened upon a site that explained that what we were working on were permutations. This led to another site, and another, and finally I found a handy formula that seemed to work for most of the problems.

I called Hadley, who crawled out of the tub. It took about 15 minutes to complete the problems. We weren't sure they were right, but they were done.

Half an hour later, Hadley was herkying again in the kitchen, perky once again. Meanwhile, I was jotting down my handy list of the keys to happiness, which perhaps I should post in my car.

And that's a little bit of advice for today. I know I need to follow a few of these too. At least the whole don't dwell on something I can't control and to have my meltdown and move on. Anyone else out there feel the same?