Okay folks, listen up

Just so you know, your world will one day change. Can't say when, but I for one know that one day the world's going to be taken over by my bestest-est friend, Kate, and she's going to rule with her robot army. Don't think I'm for real? Check it out by clicking here.

It's going to be great... at least for me. I've been promised the #2 position in the new world. Sweet. Not all the headaches of the #1, but I still have POWER.

So, in preparation for all that fun ruling the world, I've drafted up a couple of rules, of course only if they're good with Kate.

First - There will be no such thing as cheap toilet paper. Got it? We're talking 3 or 4 ply here with super soft ripples, cushions and whatever else to make it nice. I'm sick of going in somewhere in an emergency and finding crappy 1-ply, poorly-made, almost-cardboard, peels-paint-off-metal-rough toilet paper!!!! Everyone - even the robot army - is going to get the good stuff. And if anyone even thinks about manufacturing the bad stuff - off with their heads! No questions asked. Seriously - I'm not kidding. My good friend Terra's got my back on this one. She too knows the great value of good TP.

Second - Only those I deem worthy shall have an official, complete driver’s license. I'll let all the others either have a walking pass or if you're a semi-decent driver you might get to operate a moped. Sure there will be other, limited levels of licenses, but even those are going to be difficult to get until worthiness is proved. So be nice to me - or else you're banned to walking or motorized scooters.

Third - all those who've made me angry will be banished from my sight for a minimum of 30 days (and there isn't a maximum). I don't want to see the faces of these people until I've had sufficient time to process the stupidity of their actions. So, depending on how really stupid you've been - either toward me or those I love - you'll be dragged off to who-knows-where and forced to stay away for a long, long time. Yeah, it's not fair or nice - deal with it or don't act like a moron.

Fourth - I get to decorate everything I wish to. If I don't like you poor choice of art or color, too bad - it's good as gone. So, to help you out here's a tip or two: I love tasteful black and white photography (Kate's got some nice ones up on her blog.) Neon beer signs won't pass muster nor will dogs playing poker. Some art deco can be good, but don't go all weird on me. Funky metal mixed with odd colors shaped into giant sculptures of nothingness won't cut it either. I like what I like and I offer no apologies. And I've got a good open mind - just don't think your "modern art" is going to make the cut unless it's recognizable and decent looking.

And fifth - just for kicks - everyone's getting a minimum of 30 days paid vacation. Having trouble wrapping your mind around that? Think of it as 20 official vacations days (sick time isn't in this equation) and a bonus 10 mental health days. Not necessarily days you'd go somewhere or take a full vacation - but days you take to keep up your morale and make you thankful for the extra day off here and there. It’s for those days you just don't feel like doing anything, but don't consider it vacation time either. You can thank me anytime after the new world's established.

See, it's not all completely oppressive. I can be nice - if I want to. And be sure, there are more rules to come, I just wanted to give everyone time to prepare. Have a marvelous weekend!